The Journey: Shirley's Leaving

 

   In November 2022, Shirley was diagnosed with an inoperable squamous cancer on the back of her tongue, and so began her leaving.  With surgery not an option, she underwent chemotherapy and radiation treatment, both unable to stop the growth.  A chemo portal was surgically implanted in her right shoulder and a feeding tube was inserted into her stomach.  Because of the discomfort, the feeding tube was subsequently removed; we were never able to get it to function properly despite many attempts.

   She was able to drink liquids and the pulverized vitamin supplements she needed, even though it was becoming more difficult to swallow.  By the end of August, 2023, she decided the pain was too strong and she signed on to Hospice care.  By September 1^st, she was giving herself morphine by mouth with tranquilizers as needed for anxiety.  I woke up early on the 4^th to hear her breathing, but by 8 o’clock she had left us.

   She wanted no funeral service, just to be cremated.  An obituary in the Rochester, NY paper.  Her ashes to be placed in an urn along with the ashes of our two Corgis, which has been done.  The urn is with me and will contain my ashes at some future time.

This I believe

 

It is impossible to define “soul” as that is part of the unknowable mystery of life.  However, I believe that we receive our soul from our parents at birth and that parts of our soul are disbursed at death to family members, friends and acquaintances.  So our souls continue to grow and accept parts of the souls of others as we age.  That means that we are a part of everyone who has gone before us and we will be a part of everyone who comes after us.  So when you think of me, it’s my soul tapping you on the shoulder and saying “Hiya, how ya doin’?”  And when I think of you, it’s your soul tapping me on the shoulder.

My Apology for Not Writing

 I started reading my old blogs (there was a period when I didn't write anything) and was surprised to find so many positive comments others had made.  And it suddenly occurred to me that I might not have acknowledged them.  I was disappointed to see that I hadn't responded to a distant cousin living in Germany (the Carman line), along with my other followers.  Also the comments from my friends, Rick and Jilda, and I really miss the words from Rick, a gentleman's gentleman, gone too soon.  So from now on, I'll try to do a better job of acknowledging comments.

Living in Florida

    Shirley and I moved from Ontario, New York, to our new home in Scottsdale, Arizona, in mid-1990.  By August 2008, we were residents at Westminster Village, a Continuing Care Retirement Community.  In March 2024, after Shirley's death in September 2023, I moved to Palm Bay, Florida, to live with my son, Mark, and his wife, Karen.  We live on a quiet street with a canal in the back, which ultimately drains into the St. John's River.  Sitting in the screened-in lanai, we can watch Sandhill Cranes, Whistling Ducks, a variety of songbirds, Osprey and Hawks.  Occasionally we hear Owls in the evening from the woods across the canal.

   There's a different lifestyle here than any other place I've lived.  Right now, at the age of 93, I'm barefoot with my shirttails hanging out, unshaven but showered.  Never in my life would I have suspected that I'd be living in such a carefree condition.  And the atmosphere is different.  Instead of the low, low humidity of Arizona, there's a higher amount of humidity to get used to.  Scottsdale, with a temperature of 100° and humidity of 15% is a lot different from Palm Bay, with a temperature of 85° and humidity of 95%, believe me!  But it's all in getting used to, which takes a little time and patience.  Now, after a year of acclimation, I feel like a Floridian, and happy with it.

Autumn Wind

 The Autumn wind swooshes

Roller-coaster fashion

Through, 

Then up and over,

And through again,

Denuding trees of all

Save a few fiery displays.

Uncle Miltie

 Here we are in Palm Bay waiting for Uncle Miltie, well, really Hurricane Milton.  All the outside has been cleared of furniture that might blow away, flower pots are in safe places, water pump in readiness on the patio.  News broadcasts show the path changing slightly as he nears the west coast, somewhat more to the south now, between Sarasota and Venice.  Family over there say they are prepared as well as they can be, or have evacuated to safer territory.  We should experience rain and wind as the force decreases between the west coast and here.  Nothing to do now but wait.

The Old Man

 Today, I let "the old man" in.  I'm referring to that quote of Clint Eastwood's when asked how he keeps on doing the things he does.  He answered, "When I get up in the morning, I don't let the old man in".  Or words to that effect.

Yesterday I had the 4th of a series of 6 BCG treatments for bladder/kidney cancer.  It hit me harder than any of the previous ones.  In 2012 I was diagnosed with "carcinoma in situ" of my bladder.  Fortunately, it was found early and the 6 treatments were successful.  This time we won't know until 6 weeks after the final treatment.  In the meantime, I try to keep the old man out, but he sure is persistent.